Technology
by Jindinea
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the characters of FFVII and AC do once they get their hands on a computer? Look no more, this story shows all of the characters' experiences with computers.
1. Cloud

**Technology**

**Yup, another story. I seem to have a knack for naming my stories with one word, and I wasn't exactly planning on making another story, but... this idea just popped in my head.**

**Summary:** Have you ever wondered what the characters of FFVII and AC do once they get their hands on a computer? Look no more, this story shows all of the characters' experiences with computers.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters, but I do own the plot! ...but I don't own Google either.

Cloud couldn't take his eyes off of the computer screen as he pressed his fingers down on the keyboard keys. He had stayed up all week, trying to find at least something that would revive Aeris, but still, the websites he had visited, the eBooks he had purchased, NOTHING at all had helped him. Though how can it hurt to keep trying?

Cloud typed these keywords into the 'Google' search engine:

_raise dead revive wicca magick magic holy sephiroth_

He hit the 'Enter' key and took a sip of his coffee as the page loaded.

Cloud nearly spilled his coffee over the keyboard as the page showed up, and his expression turned from dazed, to confused. The first paragraph said this:

JOIN THE **SEPHIROTH** FANCLUB NOW!  
This fanclub is for all fangirls (and fanboys) that are mad fans of **Sephiroth** from everyone's favorite game, FFVII or AC. Now, we don't hate Aeris, or Cloud, even if she is **dead **because of **Sephiroth**, in fact, some people here are even Aeris x **Sephiroth** or Cloud x **Sephiroth **fans. Here are a few banners, made by **Sephiroth**'s Wife. **Holy** #!$! these are good! Thank her for making such wonderful banners. - Guardian of **Sephiroth**.  
9999k - Cached - Similar pages

Cloud stared and glared, and stared and glared, and stared and glared till he couldn't no more. So... in other words, Sephiroth, _the_ Sephiroth has a FANCLUB? Plus, what the heck did FFVII or AC stand for? And even more, people imagine Sephiroth paired up with HIM and AERIS? Cloud was highly disturbed...

Though now he was as curious as ever.

Interested, but being cautious, Cloud placed his hand on the mouse, pointed the little arrow at the Sephiroth fanclub link, and clicked it. It took two minutes in total to load, seeming as the fanclub had 9999k of files, art or whatever those mad fans had there.

The layout of the fan site was large, as it seemed like, though Cloud did spill his coffee this time. Lucky it was on the right side of the desk because then it might've spilled. As the warm liquid slowly trickled down to the carpet, Cloud's jaw dropped. He ignored the fresh coffee stains on his brand new carpet.

The image of the layout had loaded, and in large, fancy letters read 'This month's theme: SEPHIROTH x AERIS'. The image was even more horrifying than the title. It was a picture of Aeris and Sephiroth _together_, and standing _back to back_ in a _field of flowers_.

Unfortunately for Cloud, he got the wrong idea.

"Why that- how- WHY! So she was with Sephiroth the whole time! She- she- she... ugh. I've had to much coffee." He spun the chair around and stood up, walking into the kitchen and filling up a glass with water. He drank it all in one gulp and placed the cup into the sink. Cloud sighed as he walked back into his bedroom, planting himself in front of the computer once more.

He decided to try and think nothing of what he had just witnessed in the Sephiroth fanclub.

So he clicked the mouse on the 'Back' button in the browser and went back to what he had been trying to do before. Search for a spell to revive Aeris. Of course, if he ever did revive her, she would HAVE to remember getting stabbed by Sephiroth, so they shall never get back together again! Uwahahaha!

It was Cloud's ultimate plan.

In short, he was just trying to revive Aeris, then. Still...

Cloud nearly jumped out of his seat and pranced around in glee. Right below the Sephiroth Fanclub paragraph, Cloud FINALLY found what he had been looking for!

How to **revive** the **dead**. Easy step-by-step guide.  
Have a descendant, ancestor, or friend that's passed away? Simply follow our step-by-step foolproof guide to **revive** the **dead** using the most easiest **holy** spell ever!  
87k - Cached - Similar pages

He didn't know why he hadn't had spotted it ear-

Wait... why does it say 'foolproof'?

Cloud decided to ignore that for now. Right now, his hopes were to high.

So, grinning like a madman, Cloud hastily clicked the link and waited patiently as the page loaded. A gothic-like page appeared with a red and black layout. It was a simple one, unlike that Sephiroth one...

In giant white letters, the title read as the link had.

'HOW TO REVIVE THE DEAD. EASY STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE.'

Cloud quickly scrolled down the page, his nose touching the screen.

And there it was, in golden text.

_'Step 1: Cover yourself with feathers.  
Step 2: Eat all of your vegetables.  
Step 3: Dance to the monkey.  
Step 4: Collect some rosemary from your neighbor's garden.  
Step 5: Throw it in a pond that relates to the one you hope to revive.  
Step 6: Swim in that pond like a duck for five minutes.  
Step 7: Leave and send a large sum of money to our site creator.'_

What a crazy guide...

But Cloud was crazy. Crazy enough to try it. Besides, wasn't it supposed to be foo- fu- foolproof? Or whatever it was.

So, Cloud copied down the steps and hurried out of his bedroom.

* * *

Cloud did do what the paper had said. 

He had covered himself with feathers (though he had to put some glue on himself first, because they wouldn't even hold), ate all of the vegetables that were in his house, danced to the monkey, 'borrowed' some rosemary from Tifa's garden, ran over to Aeris' pond and threw it in, swam like a duck, and finally, he had sent ALL of his savings to the owner of that site (who coincidentally, happened to be the user 'Sephiroth's Wife').

Though the horrifying, bone-shattering truth was... it didn't work. Well, to Cloud it hadn't had worked. Cloud felt like an idiot. He shouldn't have given that girl his 394,594 Gil! He needed it!

Wait a moment... _foolproof_? FOOL! They did that foolproof thing on purpose! It was just a scam to get all of our money! Grrrr...

Cloud sobbed and growled and cried and sniffed until a knock came at the door.

Cloud's hopes were still up.

Thinking it was Aeris, Cloud speedily raced over to the door and opened it. He ran forward and hugged...

The Repo man? What the hell?

"What the hell?" the Repo man blurted out while shoving Cloud aside. Cloud's face turned red in anger and even more, in embarrassment.

Cloud stared at the man as he walked around with a checkboard and a pen.

"Uh, excuse me?" Cloud said, examining the man while he inspected Cloud's house.

"Repo man." he replied in a gruff voice, checking off something on his list.

"REPO!" Cloud shouted with wide eyes. Gee, the Repo people get news quick...

The man nodded while picking up a chair with his over-sized arms. He walked out of the door and came back in a few minutes later.

Cloud's day couldn't get any worse.

* * *

"Hey Maureen?" 

"Yeah?"

"Have you updated the club lately?"

"No. Been busy with my magick site. Oh, I've got some news! Somebody just sent us 394,594 Gil!"

"That's great!"

"Yeah! Now I can afford to change the description! People have been very suspicious of that 'foolproof' mistake I did, so now I can change it!"

"Yup. You always got confused with 'fool' with 'full'. Silly girl..."

"Quiet! I'm turning seventeen in a week, so I'm not a girl!"

* * *

Tifa stared at Cloud as he unpacked his things. 

"So you're saying that you spent your life savings to REVIVE A GHOST? THAT'S IT! OUTTA MY BAR!"

She shoved Cloud out of the bar along with his clothes and suitcases.

Maybe he could stay at the Honeybee Inn... Nah.

He'll just rent a hotel after getting some money from wor- wait. He doesn't even have a job! Cloud, that's it! Get a job, buy some clothes, rent a hotel, and buy a computer!

Top priorities, Cloudie. Top priorities...

**Okay, that's the first chapter. Tell me how it was, and don't forget to leave a review! I think I might do Rufus next, or one of the SHM. Not exactly sure, but more likely to do Rufus, 'cause I already have it planned out. So, tell me if it sucked or if it ruled. Your opinion most especially accepted.**


	2. Rufus

**Technology**

**Ugh, I'm writing this chapter for a second time, because when I tried saving, IT DIDN'T FRIGGIN' WORK! (sobs) Anyway, right now I'm trying to remember most of it, and pretend nothing happened at all... grrr. :-( Anyway, at the start it may not have a FFVII character, but that's just a random bit added. This chapter's still about Ruthy (...I have a habit of calling Rufus that xD). :-D Oh, and I was REALLY surprised at how many reviews I got for chapter one! Thank you SO much! Heehee, now on with chappie two! (Oh, and the first bit in this chapter is just for extra humor xD)**

**Warning:** MAY CONTAIN ADVENT CHILDREN SPOILERS!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own ANY Final Fantasy characters, or Google and eBay.

Tidus admired his reflection as he stood in front the mirror, flexing his 'muscles'. He winked at the mirror image of himself and gave a goofy grin.

"Hey, Yuna. You. Me- Nyah... Let's see... Oh! Gee, Yuna. You look pretty tired. Need ta rest? 'Cause you've been running through my- Nyah... I think.. ...I'll go get her present and think of those later."

It was five hours before Yuna's twentieth Birthday and everybody had been planning a giant Birthday surprise for her, though not Tidus. He still had two and a half hours until he had to go help set up the giant Birthday surprise.

Tidus turned away from the mirror and ended the eight joyful hours of staring at his own reflection and thinking up his best approach to her. As Tidus gave another wink to himself in the mirror, a series of lame pickup lines ran through his head

Tidus paused as he came into the study room, rubbing his chin as if he was thinking. He _still _hadn't had thought of a present, nor had he even got one for her. Though, Tidus was going to play it cool and pretend he put his heart and soul into his gift, and act as though it took him FOREVER to find the wonderful gift.

Though, of course, Tidus _would_ put his heart and soul into the gift, because this time, it'll be very special!

Tidus jumped as he thought of the most perfect gift Yuna could ever have.

A photo of Tidus along with his own signature!

"You genius, Tidus..." Tidus mumbled, grinning as he ran into his bedroom to search for some photos.

Besides... Yuna always loved presents that had sentimental value...

* * *

"Um... maybe it's here. No... I already checked that twelve times... I swear I had the shrine of me somewhere! ...I bet Yuna will be disappointed... Hmm... What can I say? I know! I'll tell her they're in the wash! Yeah! But... she'll still be disappointed ... Wait a minute!" Tidus collapsed out of his room which had been transformed from a pig sty, to a dump. 

He gained his balance and slammed the door happily, prancing towards the computer.

"Rikku said something about everyone's photos being on the internet! Tidus, you genius..." he repeated to himself, even though Rikku had been the one that told him when he was trying to find pictures of Auron, wearing anything BUT his red outfit.

Tidus bounced onto the computer seat and opened a new window to Google. He grinned happily as he searched these keywords:

_Tidus hot topless handsome sexy photos_

The page loaded and just as Tidus was about to find his wonderful picture... this, came up instead of millions of different photos of him.

_Your search -**Tidus hot topless handsome sexy photos**- did not match any documents. _

Suggestions:

_-Make sure all words are spelled correctly.  
-Try different keywords.  
-__Try more general keywords._

Tidus stared at the screen and kept refreshing the page. There was bound to be SOME pictures of him!

But since we all hate Tidus, let's go see what's happening in the ShinRa building...

* * *

It was a nice sunny day, and Rufus Shinra had finished his paperwork, so he decided that he could... just wheel over to the window while wearing that grotty cloth of his. The wheelchair he was using was still in top shape, every since he got it, plus the sheet was... well, going well. 

He wheeled over to the window, watching as the local people walked by the building, chatting away. And that was when...

THE WIND BLEW OFF RUFUS' ALMIGHTY SHEET!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rufus screamed, trying to reach out for the sheet, which swayed in the wind that all of a sudden, became stronger. But it was no use... the sheet... his beloved sheet... was gone...

How he wished he was psychic...

Rufus groaned in annoyance and made his way back to his desk. And that was when he heard the voices of Reno, Elena and Rude.

"NONONONO! RENO! QUICK! HIT REFRESH!"

"I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING, 'LANEY! JUST SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH!"

"...I think we lost..."

"UGH... RENO! You shouldn't have tried loading that YouTube video at the same time! It slows down the bidding! Don't you know that!"

"OBVIOUSLY NOT!"

"...uh..."

"...BLEH!"

"Stop acting like such a baby, Reno..."

Rufus had had enough and gave a great sigh before wheeling into the office that Reno, Elena and Rude were occupating. The three were crouched around a computer, fighting over something that Rufus had no idea of.

"No... _YOU _STOP ACT-"

"Enough!" Rufus boomed, glaring at the three.

The three Turks immediately straightened up.

"Uh, Boss, what happen-" Reno cocked an eyebrow and yawned slightly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Rufus pouted like a four year old child who had just had their wollypop taken away from them.

"But anyway, you three are causing a racket, and you're disturbing the other employees." Rufus stated, putting on his know-it-all face. Without a word, the three of them piled out of the office, leaving Rufus in frustration. As Rufus was about to go back to his office, the computer that the Turks had been using caught his eye.

Interested, Rufus headed over to the desk and peeked at the computer.

"E-Bay?" he muttered, staring at the web page. He placed a hand on the mouse and scrolled down the page.

"What is this stuff? Bids? PayPal? Shipping? This... is some sort of auction site? Hmm..."

Rufus typed the keywords '_sheet cloth_' into the search engine.

When the page loaded, there was only one match, and it look exactly like Rufus' old sheet... thingy. Rufus grinned stupidly and clicked on the link. Though this was his first time on eBay, he was already getting used to it.

Gee, _two _minutes on a site, and he's already used to it?

The page loaded up and oddly, Rufus just realized that the name of the item was _'ZOMG! WHEEL CHAIRED MAN FROM AC SHEET! GET IT NOW!' _He was confused with that title, but simply ignored it.

The status read this:

_ZOMG! WHEEL CHAIRED MAN FROM AC SHEET! GET IT NOW!_

_Starting bid: $999.99_

_'Buy It Now' Price: $1999.99_

_End time: 5 mins 34 secs (Nov-12-03 17:06:19)  
Shipping costs: Check item description and payment instructions or contact seller for details  
__Ships to: Worldwide  
Item location: N/A  
Higher bidder: Rufus' Girlfriend  
History: 32 bids_

_You can also: Watch this item or Email to a friend_

All of a sudden, Rufus got all excited, thinking that the 'Rufus' Wife' was just a sudden coincidence. Without thinking, he clicked the 'Place Bid' button, and watched excitedly. The bid would end very quickly, so he had to act fast.

_Item title: ZOMG! WHEEL CHAIRED MAN FROM AC SHEET! GET IT NOW!  
Current bid: $1500.00  
Your maximum bid: $(Insert bid here) (Enter $1750.00 or more)_

_C O N T I N U E--- You will confirm the next step_

Rufus accidentally fiddled with the keyboard, typing the numbers '4673' into the little box. Ironically, he _also_ accidentally hit the 'Enter' key.

He froze, staring at the page.

_You are now the highest bidder._

Rufus sighed, deciding to shrug it off. He had enough Gil anyway. Not taking his eyes off of the screen, he hit 'Refresh' and waited. Soon, the page came up, and by the looks of it, someone had outbid him.

Three minutes and thirty-eight seconds left.

He got all competitive as soon as Rufus' Girlfriend placed a bid for $4923.

So, quickly, he clicked the bidding button and bid twice as much.

He refreshed the page.

He outbid her!

Mwahahaha-

He refreshed the page again...

Rufus glared at the screen. There was fifty-two seconds left, and he had to bid $10,000 Gil, or else he may never see a sheet just like his, again...

Click.

Typity-type-type-type.

Click.

Refre-

YAY! He won! And only for $10,000 Gil!

Rufus began dancing uncontrollably, doing Disco-like moves.

"YAY! YUS! UH-HUH! THAT'S RIGHT-" He paused as Reno and Rude walked by the door way, staring at him.

Suddenly, he realized what he was in for.

"BLACKMAIL!" Reno shouted, running madly around the ShinRa building.

* * *

So, Reno _did _get caught, and uh... Rufus got his sheet, and yadayadayada, and everyone had a happy ending! 

Ahem, under a few exceptions...

* * *

"Oh, crap, yo! I've got a $10,000 Gil bill!" 

**My sister wanted me to do this idea. xD And yeah, Rufus bid in Reno's eBay account. xD Lolz. Know how Reno was looking at YouTube which made eBay slow down? Well, that has part of what his chapter may be about. :-D Don't know who I should do next. Send requests and ideas people! Um... and review!**


	3. SHM

**Technology**

**Wow... I am utterly amazed with how many reviews I got! EIGHTEEN reviews for just two short chapters! WHEEEEEE! ...erm, anyway, this chapter is on the SHM of Advent Children! Heh, I'm practically making this up along as I write it at this very moment. Anyway, ciao! And keep reviewing! (reviews are nice...)**

**Disclaimer:** i dont own lyke ne final fansty ppl an i don evan own lyke da net...

Loz and Kadaj stared at Yazoo as he trudged over to the computer with a soda, switching the hard drive on and waiting for the computer to start up.

"Yazoo, we can't waste our time on these... whatever you call 'emz, we hafta find momma!" Loz whined, stomping his feet and poking his bottom lip out.

"Loz is right for once!" Kadaj nearly tore his hair out while Loz glared at his two younger brothers. "We need our mother NOW!" Kadaj screamed, wailing as much as Loz.

Yazoo just calmly sipped his soda and remained in his seat, clicking the mouse and pressing a few keys.

"Well, if you can't see, I'm looking for our MOTHER! SO MEH!" Yazoo countered, spilling his soda onto Loz's new boots, before turning back to the screen.

Loz scowled and sobbed at the same time. It sounded like an ape being tortured.

Immediately, Kadaj became interested in what evil plan Yazoo had in store for them. He walked behind Yazoo and peered over the screen.

"What? Where's the evil plan? The master mind! THIS IS A CHATROOM YOU DIMWIT!" Kadaj shouted to Yazoo, slapping him on the head.

Yazoo's head felt like it was made of rubber. It didn't even hurt his head when Kadaj slapped him on the head, so he simply ignored him and continued chatting.

"Look, I'm going to ask if they've seen mother! Then we're bound to find her!"

**jindinea:** an i was lyke omg! and then she was lyke no wai! an i was lyke yea wai!  
**SHM:** Excuse me, but have you seen my mother?  
**Yu-Vi:** wtf? ur mother? r u lyke 1 dose ppl tat tell yo momma jokes?  
**jindinea:** yea, i hate thos ppl! there so annoyin!  
**SHM:** Yo momma? What's that?  
**JOHNY:** OMG! LYKE, U JUS INSULTED MU MOMMA! I SHALL NOW CUT U UP INTO LIL PEACES! -cuts SHM up-  
**SHM:** ...What? Look, me and my two brothers are just trying to find our mother, and we thought we could find somehing here.  
**SHM:** something  
**Yu-Vi:** ohhhhhhhhh... so ur lyke 1 of thos mommas bois?  
**jindinea:** eh, weve got heapsa thos herr. uh no offence, but wat doez SHM stand 4?  
**SHM:** Silver Haired Men.  
**jindinea:** ...OMGOMGOMG! LOL! R U LYKE GAI OR SOMETHIN?  
**Yu-Vi:** LOLOLOLOLOLOLO!1!1!1!11  
**JOHNY:** HAHAHAHAHAH! URGAYURGAYURGAY!  
**SHM:** GAY! LOOK ALL IM TRYING TO DO IS FIND MY MOTHER, AND THAT DOES NOT MEAN A SINGLE BIT THAT I AM GAY!  
**JOHNY:** ...i like cheeze.  
**Yu-Vi:** wtf? jonhy, ur so random...  
**jindinea:** lol  
**SHM:** HELLO?  
**jindinea:** gee, were herr were herr... wats ur mom look lyke anywai?  
**SHM:** Well, here is a picture of her.

_**SHM** has submitted JENOVA-MOTHER.jpg file. _

**Yu-Vi:** ur moms name iz jenova? talk about flashee..  
**jindinea:** wtf? look at the photo! ZOMG! UR MOM LOOKS LYKE A DUDE!  
**JOHNY:** hahahhaahaahahahahahah! ur mom is gai!  
**jindinea:** aaw, don pick on him. hes a newbie around herr.  
**SHM:** What's a newbie? Anyway, have you seen her?  
**Yu-Vi:** sorry dude. havent eva seen her in ma life.  
**jindinea:** ditto.

_**♥T.L** has signed on._

**♥T.L:** hey every1. whats up?  
**Yu-Vi:** HEY TEE! I HAVENT SEEN U IN AGES! -GLOMPS-  
**♥T.L:** lol hey. whos jindinea and SHM? new ppl?  
**jindinea:** heya!  
**Yu-Vi:** SHM? u there?  
**SHM:** heyy this is loz. u just upset ma bro.  
**♥T.L:** LOZ? ...odd i recognize tat name. eh  
**jindinea:** anyway, about ur... brother?  
**SHM:** yea, he jus wen off cryin bout somethin. tho u kinda upset him.  
**jindinea:** awww.. soz. ur bro seems a bit sensitive -gives cookies-  
**♥T.L:** lol. anywai, guess wat happened just yesterday? tat jerk cloud tried comin into my bar after trying to revive aeris.  
**SHM:** ...o.o  
**jindinea:** um...-.-  
**Yu-Vi:** WHAT? LOL! WAT A LOSER!

_**jindinea** has signed off._

_**SHM** has signed off._

**Yu-Vi:** o.o wats wrong wit those 2?  
**♥T.L:** beats me

Loz went running around in circles, going nuts.

"HE'S HERE! THE GUY! UM... CHOCCY-HEAD!"

Kadaj blinked.

"Choccy-head? What the hell have you been smokin', Loz..."

"IT'S HIM THOUGH! THE CHOSEN ONE IS BACK! I READ IT WITH MY OWN EYES!"

"Let me see..." Kadaj murmured, shoving Loz to the side so he could see the screen. Loz was right...

THE CHOSEN ONE HAD RETURNED!

"NOOOOOO! HE'S AFTER OUR MOTHER! SILVER HAIRED MEN! CHARGE!" Kadaj ordered, running towards the door.

Loz grabbed a sniffling Yazoo as he ran after Kadaj and kicked over the door right after Kadaj had slammed it.

"HIIIIIIYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

**Erm... heh-heh. Know who was in the chat room? Take a guess. I bet it'll be pretty easy. Though I have to admit, the chapter seemed very short and pointless, though the SHM will return in another chappie! REVIEW WITH YOUR OPINIONS, AND LYKE, SUGGEST IDEAS. :-D**


	4. Vincent

**Technology**

**o.o... -stares at reviews- wow... I's is getting a huge load of reviews. Lol, thank you everybody for your kind reviews! They really cheer me up. :-D Though I'm am getting WAY much more than I ever expected. This chapter is a Vincent one, and then it will be followed by a Yuffie one. Well... read on!**

**Disclaimer:**...o.o  
Reno: o.o You can't even say it?  
Me: Shut it, Reenee.  
Reno: Reenee? WTF?  
Me: Just shaddap... AHEM, I don't own anything at all! (mumbles)  
Reno: 0.0 You don't even own any clothes?  
Me: o.o I do! It's just- uh, on with the story!

Yuffie dragged Vincent to her bedroom and shoved him onto the computer seat.

"OH, VINNY, YOU JUST _HAVE _TO SEE MY NEW COMPUTER! IT'S TOTALLY WICKED! TRY IT OUT, TRY IT OUT!" Yuffie exclaimed, flicking a few buttons and giggling madly.

Vincent just blinked, staring at the strange device. Vincent had never seen or heard of these 'computers' as everyone calls them. As the computer started up, it began to make loud whirring noises. Vincent immediately thought it was some kind of fiend, and bolted up withdrawing his weapon.

Yuffie giggled again and stood in front of the computer, causing Vincent to put his weapon right back.

"Relax, Vinny! These don't hurt you! They're used for doing things like chatting, e-mailing, playing games and all of that other junk! Just sit there and click a few buttons, and you're bound to get the hang of it!" Yuffie assured Vincent, while disappearing out of the door.

Vincent frowned as he turned his head back to the computer.

What did Yuffie say again... ?

_"Just sit there and click a few buttons, and you're bound to get the hang of it!"_

Oh yeah...

So, Vincent pressed a button which resulted in a little menu popping up. And then Vincent pressed another button which had a arrow printed on it.

Then he hit the 'Enter' button which suddenly opened a window up for the internet.

In which, Yuffie's homepage showed up some weird yellow site that gave Vincent a sort of childish image in his head.

"Neopets... ? WTF!"

Well, Vincent actually didn't know the world of chat speak, so he really just muttered the homepage name.

Vincent clicked on the first link he saw: the 'Boards' link. Though as he did, he noticed a few words up in the top-right corner of the screen.

_**Welcome, xXMateriaNinjaXx - Pet: 0OoVinnyoO0 - NP: 11,547**_

He blinked at Yuffie's pet name for a moment, though as the page changed to the 'Boards' one, he completely forgot about it. Ish.

Vincent scrolled down the page, until something caught his eye.

What an odd site.

_**Evil Things and Monster Sightings**  
Pant Devil steal your Wand of Ultra Nova? Are you a Sloth minion? This board is for you._

Weird... Never mind that though. Vinny was a Newbie on this site, so he clicked on the 'Newbie' link. After the page loaded, Vincent frowned slightly at a topic.

_'COME CHAT, OR DIE!'_

Vincent, immediately feeling threatened, quickly clicked on the link, being actually _afraid _for once.

_**User: tackydie  
Gender: Unknown  
Age: 32 months**_

_Hi._

Vincent blinked at the screen.

Hi?

Okay, I guess...

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_Hello. _

Vincent had submitted the reply and pursed his lips slightly - not very Vincent-ish, wouldn't you agree?

_**User: tackydie  
Gender: Unknown  
Age: 32 months**_

_HEY! I MEMBER U! HOWS IT GOIN MATTY!_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_...What are you talking about?_

_**User: tackydie  
Gender: Unknown  
Age: 32 months**_

_YOU DONT MEMBER ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie ** _

Stupid Laney... making me go on this effin site...

_Just for your information, I DID NOT MAKE THIS USERNAME! And I don't even like this stupid little kiddy site... Oh, and I'm not a freakin' girl, okay?_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_TutuTurk? Turks go on this site?_

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie**_

_Oh no freaking way (I would swear if I could, but I'm not even FRIGGIN ALLOWED ON THIS SITE!1!11)... That Materia girl's here?_

_Oh hell..._

_**User: tackydie  
Gender: Unknown  
Age: 32 months**_

_i'm going... BYE F(6546546)U(43434)C(654894)K(545353)E(43424232)RS!_

_**User: n00b  
Gender: Male  
Age: 4 months**_

_-gasp!- I'm reporting you!_

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie**_

_WTF! I didn't know you could do that..._

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_Wait a minute... Turks... Reno?_

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie**_

_Well duh, kid. Gee, it took you that long to figure out? Elena's effin making me go on this stupid site, and she threatened me with many things you couldn't imagine._

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_This is Vincent. Yuffie showed me this computer, whatever it is._

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie**_

_WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFW! HAHAHAHAHA! OMGOMGOMG THAT IS HILARIOUS!_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_What is? You shouldn't be one to talk, just look at your user._

_**User: TutuTurk  
Gender: Female  
Age: Newbie**_

_Eh. But I didn't even choose to go on this site, anyway! SO HAHHHHH!_

_Brb. My YouTube video has finished! Hehehehe... :-D_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_What? This site is confusing._

_**User: E4lena!  
Gender: Female  
Age: 5 months**_

_RENO! I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT THOSE VIDEOS! AH, YOU PERVERT!_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_What's going on? Are ALL of the Turks here?_

_**User: SirBaldly  
Gender: Male  
Age: Newbie**_

_...Elena's mainly the one who forces us on this site. The user was Reno's idea... _

_**User: Cloudette  
Gender: Female  
Age: 1 month**_

_Hello everyone! _

_**User: E4lena!  
Gender: Female  
Age: 5 months**_

_Heyy... Your lookup says you're Aeris Gainsborough! I thought you were dead! Or else you're some poser of some kind..._

_**User: Cloudette  
Gender: Female  
Age: 1 month**_

_Uhmm... I have to go! Bye everyone! -heart-_

_**User: xXMateriaNinjaXx  
Gender: Female  
Age: 7 months**_

_Aeris is back? Maybe I should tell Cloud. He said he'd be staying at the Honeybee Inn, so I could Fax it there._

Yes, our Vincent had already knew what faxing meant. Don't ask the author how, he just... found out.

Yuffie walked by the doorway, frowning as she saw Vincent's nose touching the screen.

"Uhhh, Vinny! Could I have a go, please!" Yuffie asked, walking over to him.

Vincent continued typing and shook her off.

Yuffie was appalled. Vincent was acting very... unusual.

"Uhh... maybe I could go use Teef's computer! Erm, I'll see you Vinny!" And with that, Yuffie ran off to Tifa's bar.

Vincent just robotically nodded, using the faxer to his left.

Maybe Cloud would get the message soon.

Eh, who cares?

**Lawl, chapter may seem long, though there aren't much words in this one... I think. Not many people knew who jindinea was in the last chapter, surprisingly, though that's now for me to know, and for you to find out! Mwahaha... Err, anyway, next chapter, Yuffie as you already know, and then probably Reno or Tifa after that one. Review, people!**


	5. Yuffie

**Technology**

**Oh, poopie! I've only gotten two reviews for the last chapter! You people are getting lazy... -reader runs off- Wait! Wait, I didn't mean that! Uh... if you're still here, please just read...**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any-BEEP-ebhdsbdsaffff, MALFUNCTION! MALFUNCTION!  
Me: -slaps head- I shouldn't have had that automatic Disclaimer thingy!

"An' I was like 'Vinny! Like, can I have a go now?'! An' he was all 'Shove off, bitch!', even though he said nothin', an' I was all 'OMG! Like, I'm going to Teef's place! Screw you, Vinny!', an' that's what happened!" Yuffie explained to Tifa, who was concentrating ever so hard on her fanfiction. Tifa nodded and continued typing. "Oooh! Whatcha' writin', Teef?"

Yuffie got up from the couch and stretched, before walking over to Tifa's computer and peering at the screen. Oddly, Tifa quickly covered the screen with her hands. "Um! I-I... uhh... I'll be back in a minute!" Tifa quickly closed her window some how, and ran off.

"Hmmm... was that even fanfiction she was looking at?" Yuffie asked herself. Shrugging, she seated herself in the chair that was in front of the computer. It showed Tifa's desktop of...

"Uhh... why's Teef got pictures of EV-ER-Y SIN-GLE PER-SON she's met? She's even got Sephiroth... and Kaddy-guy... and Rude and Reno... and... WTF? WHY'S SHE ONLY GOT PICTURES OF THE BAD GUYS AND THE EX-BAD GUYS? Hell, she even got TSENG AND RUFUS AND ELENA, DAMMIT!" Yuffie remained silent for a while.

"...Tifa's weird..."

Shrugging again, Yuffie looked at the little icons on the desktop.

"OOH, INTERNET PAC MAN!" Yuffie yelled out loud. She immediately clicked on the icon, which opened up a page for the internet. The Pac Man page opened.

_Welcome, **You Are Not Logged In - Log In - Register**_

Yuffie stared at the screen for a while.

"Umm... I'll just go on Midgar Instant Messenger!" She clicked on a little icon that was also in the desktop, which opened up a mini window of some sort. Tifa was already signed in as '♥T.L', so being lazy, Yuffie stayed in Tifa's account, though changed her user to 'Yu-Vi'. She paused for a while. "Hmph, maybe I should change it to Yu-Clo... or Yu-Ci... ? Eww... Erm, I'll just keep it as Yu-Vi!" she exclaimed, while peering at Tifa's contacts.

_**Welcome to MIM, Yu-Vi**_  
User Title: _Status: ONLINE, BOO-YAH!_

_Contacts _

-Yu-Vi **(OFF)**  
**User Title:** Status: OFFLINE, DUH, DUH, DUHHHH...

-SHM **(OFF)**  
**User Title:** Wanted: Mother - Reward: Half of her cells.

-jindinea **(ON)**  
**User Title:** Sunshine Lollypops, Rainbows...

-Sephy Iz Da Man **(ON)**  
**User Title:** Sephy IZ Da Man! Y'hear?

-R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0 **(ON)**  
**User Title:** Ma Milkshakes Bring All The Girls 2 Da Yard!

-Sir Baldly VII **(ON)**  
**User Title:** NOTE: I did not make this username...

-E$L$E$N$A **(ON)**  
**User Title:** ;D Tsengie's Gurl ;D

-Elly's Mon AKA Tseng **(ON)**  
**User Title:** :-D Elly's Mon :-D

-Da Pr3z i5 da b35t **(ON)**  
**User Title:** RUFUS' GF SUX CUZ I GOT MA SHEET!

-CLOUDIE **(OFF)**  
**User Title:** Is looking for job that pays big bux, call: 14562-52226-12636

-xX-Lone.Gunman-Xx **(ON)**  
**User Title:** Join My Guild At Neopets! ...User: xX-LoneGunny-Xx

See More Below

Yuffie selected all of the users that were online, and set up a chat room.

_**Yu-Vi's Chatroom**_

**Yu-Vi:** hey  
**jindinea:** hi again!  
**xX-Lone.Gunman-Xx:** Tifa, why do you have the same user as Yuffie?  
**Yu-Vi:** shut up vinny! this IS Yuffie if you dont knoe!  
**R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0:** lena, wth is with urs and tsengs user titles. weirdos...  
**E$L$E$N$A:** quiet meanie! ...um...  
**Da Pr3z i5 da b35t:** Did I ever tell anyone how I won my sheet?  
**Sir Baldly VII:** Actually, you have.  
**R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0:** Yeah, 23 times.  
**Elly's Mon AKA Tseng:** What sheet? You lost it? Boss, I'll be at your doorstep in thirty seconds!

_**Elly's Mon AKA Tseng** has signed off._

**Da Pr3z i5 da b35t:** What? Tseng! Grah, BRB!

_**Da Pr3z i5 da b35t** has signed off._

**Yu-Vi:** no offence, elena, but i think tsengs gai.  
**R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0:** LOL! Yeah, I swear I saw him with Rufus while shopping. xD  
**E$L$E$N$A:** WHAT? I'm leaving! BYE! meanies... -sad-

_**E$L$E$N$A** has signed off._

_**♥T.L** has signed on._

**♥T.L:** Yuffie...  
**Yu-Vi:** WHTA? TEE? WATR U DOIN HERE! HOW -confused-  
**R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0:** ooooo cat fight! go foxy T!  
**♥T.L:** -.-  
**Sephy Iz Da Man:** Yeah! Go Teefee!  
**Yu-Vi:** o.o  
**♥T.L:** 0.0  
**R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0:** 0.o ...LOL  
**Sir Baldly VII:** ...o.o!  
**xX-Lone.Gunman-Xx:** o.o  
**jindinea: **0.0'  
**Yu-Vi:** HAHAHAHAAHAHA...

_**SHM** has signed on._

**SHM: **hello Yu-Vi! have you seen our mother lately?  
**R3N0 turkish enough for yah? R3N0: **...WTF?  
**Yu-Vi: **soz, SHM havent seen her  
**♥T.L: **hi SHM  
**jindinea: **hi again!  
**Sir Baldly VII: **You're kidding me... right?  
**R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0: **gee, those chicks don't have brains  
**Sir Baldly VII: **...You three don't know who SHM is?  
**Sephy Iz Da Man: **...-.-  
**jindinea: **no... who?  
**♥T.L: **...omigod... i just figured it out...  
**Yu-Vi: **What? WHAT? ...oh...

_**SHM **has been added to your block list._

**Yu-Vi: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STFU BISHES!  
**♥T.L: **Yuff, I think it's time you get off now.  
**Yu-Vi: **whaaaa?

_**♥T.L **has signed off._

**Yu-Vi **has signed off.

**R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0: **huh?  
**Sir Baldly VII: **...don't ask me.  
**R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0: **eh, i'm goin to. my other YouTube video's finished. ;D  
**Sir Baldly VII: **I thought Elena told you to stop looking at those. I think she thinks you're beginning to get a tad obsessed.  
**R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0: **not like shes my mother

**_R3N0 turkish enough for ya? R3N0_ **_has signed off._

**Sir Baldly VII: **...uh huh...

**Haven't updated in a while, but eh. Think Reno's chapter'll be next. Review... and please don't get lazy. xD**


	6. Reno

**Technology**

**Whee! Sweet, sweet reviews... -begins eating reviews- 0.0 (muffled) Uhm, on with the sh-shtory...**

**Disclaimer:** I don't even own those shweet, shweet reviews I ate.

Reno mumbled as his YouTube video began loading very, very, _very_ slowly. He squinted at the glowing screen and grunted. "Gotta get one of those mega-computers or somethin'..." he mumbled, leaning back while resting his hands on his head. As he was about to get some shut-eye, his computer beeped. Reno jolted up, completely glaring at the machine. "My video's ready alrea- WHAT THE?" Reno stared wide-eyed at the computer, making odd noises. "Oyaahhhh...?"

_CONGRATS! YOU'RE COMPUTER HAS BEEN HACKED BY THE ONE AND ONLY ANONYMOUS: **SHM**! ALL PROCESSES AND PROGRAMS WILL BE SHUTTING DOWN WITHIN ONE MINU-_

_BLEEP!_

Reno began sobbing, hugging himself. As Rude walked by the doorway, he raised an eyebrow as he saw the redhead crying. "...What the...? Reno, look, I was kidding about the 'No more beer' policy-" Reno stuttered as he turned around, falling out of his seat and beginning to beg Rude.

"R-Rude! My dear ol' buddy pal... you'll help me won't you? Y-You will! Because you're my p-pal, and pals do favors for each other..." Reno squeaked slightly, pulling at Rude's foot. Rude, being highly disturbed, tried to get his foot away, looking down at Reno awkwardly. "...What-"

Reno began sobbing uncontrollably now.

"OH, RUDE, YOU GOTTA HELP ME! SOME- SOMETHING VIRUSED MY COMPUTER!"

Rude raised his glasses at the man and coughed. "...Is 'virused' even a-" Reno began glaring at Rude. "...Fine. Tell me or show me what happened." Rude spoke up, gladly freeing his foot from Reno. Reno began thanking Rude, looking as though he was praying to the 'oh-so magnificent god - Rude'. Rude rolled his eyes and grabbed Reno, dragging him towards his computer. Reno pointed at the black screen with the same flashing words as before, looking between his friend and his new enemy - AKA, his computer.

As Rude lifted his shades again, he frowned at the screen. "SHM? Reno, don't you know who-"

"EIKKKKKK! MY COMPUTER!"

Both men spun around, wide alert. "'Lena!" Reno shouted, racing out into the hallway with Rude behind him. As the two crowded into Elena's office, they stared at her. She stared in astonishment at the computer. She turned around with her hands on her cheeks, a stunned face.

"S-Something hacked my computer!" Reno and Rude ran up to the computer and peered at the screen. It read the exact same message as Reno's did. Reno looked back at her and nodded.

"Yeah! That happened to me- wait... since when do YOU like computers?" he asked. Elena tried her best not to blush and decided not to tell Reno that she had been downloading pictures of Tseng.

"Uhm, anyway, w-who do you guys think did it?" she asked.

Reno gave an odd look. "I'm not really-"

Rude shifted uncomfortably and coughed. "...Elena and Reno? ...SHM stand for Silver Haired Men. Reno, even you knew that... right?" Reno and Elena just stared at Rude as if he was some idiot. "...So? What's your point?" Reno raised his eyebrow and waited for Rude's answer. "...Well, Reno. Remember how we fought those guys with silver hair?" They kept staring. "...You know... the uh, time you kept... hitting me in the face with your rod?" Staring again. "...You crushed my glasses..." Blink, blink.

Rude sighed. "When we teamed up with AVALANCHE," Reno thought for a while. "...Huh?" Elena suddenly remembered something about three guys with silver hair and nodded. "Oh! I remember now! Rude, you told me about them while ago! ...Those guys hack?"

Reno continued thinking. Rude and Elena now glared at him. Reno, noticing them looking, looked between them, a stupid smile similar to a fish's (if you can imagine it...). "Oh! Hey guys! What're you doing here?" he asked. Elena and Rude stared at Reno continuously.

Elena coughed. "...Reno? You do remember why you're here, right?" she asked, wondering if her fellow Turk had short-term memory loss. Reno just looked at them dumbly. "Huh? Hey! Why's my computer pink?" he asked, pointing to Elena's pink PC.

Elena and Rude groaned.

* * *

After a few drinks to 'refresh' Reno's memory, he nodded. "'Okay, let's go see da prez!" he announced, jumping off the stool. Rude and Elena followed behind, walking. "'Da prez'?" Rude asked. Reno nodded his head. "Eh, Rufus- I mean, da prez wants us to call him that for some reason now. Don't ask me, though if you do, he'll go nuts and throw some weird toy at you." he explained. Elena raised an eyebrow. "Toy-?" 

"Don't ask."

* * *

As the three Turks slowly opened the door up cautiously, they carefully stepped in. As Rude stepped, he heard something squeak. 

Elena, Rude and Reno looked around the president's office and raised their eyebrows. There Rufus was - crouched over a computer - surrounded by many collectables he had won off eBay. Rude lifted his foot up and looked under it, revealing a rather squished 'cuddly bear' toy. The squished face of happiness gave Reno the creeps as he looked at it to.

The three walked over to Rufus' desk, waiting. As Rufus looked up, his eyes were bloodshot from the hours of bidding. Rude coughed as him and Elena pushed Reno forward. "Uhh, Rufus?" Rufus glared. Woops. "Erm, I mean da prez?" Rufus looked back down at his computer, nodding. "Yes, Reno?"

"Well, uhm, 'Lena's and my computer has been hacked by some freaks, so we sorta came to ask if we could have two more." Elena glared. "Reno!" she hissed. "We're not here to ask for more computers!" she continued. Reno looked at her oddly. "Um, then what are we doing...?" She rolled her eyes. "We're gonna hunt down those silver haired guys!" she explained. Reno and Rude stared at her with wide eyes.

"Huh?" Rude asked.

"Oryaahhh?" Reno... asked.

Elena huffed in frustration. "Ruf-I mean, da prez, we're going to need to borrow the chopper for-" Rufus' head went up. "What? No, you can't. The chopper's... in repairs,"

"But-"

"No more 'buts'! Anyway, I'm busy bidding!" Rufus continued typing as the three Turks sighed. Reno, Elena and Rude began to walk out, though stopped when they heard da prez- erm, I mean Rufus scream. They all spun around, staring.

Rufus stood up, grabbing his gun.

"Well? What are you three staring for? Let's go... whatever you said. Elena, you lead!" Rufus commanded, standing out of his... chair. He walked over towards them and nodded. The three looked between each other before nodding and hurrying out.

* * *

Meanwhile... 

Cloud hummed happily as he typed at the computer, only being happy because he finally got a job at... designing dresses. It had been the only available job that pays 'big bux', plus, after experiencing... wearing a dress, Cloud felt like giving it a go. He blinked at the screen.

**_You have received a message from: im2sexy(a)midmail.gar_**

Cloud raised an eyebrow and clicked on the link.

_hey cloudie. as much as i didn't want to, rufus made me send you this message about those shm guys coming back. they're hacking the computer system thingies, tho i think theyre also here for one more reason. cya, Reno. PS: I think that aerith or aeris chick is back or somthin. rufus said somethin about his 'calculations' that she's back somehow and the shm are after her. _

Cloud's jaw dropped.

So it had worked!

Aeris was back!

...But then the SHM are back...

Cloud tried not to put his love-puppy face on, and instead, his serious one. He went through his suit case nearby and grabbed his good ol' Buster Sword, accidentally sighing contentedly. He put his grip on it before running out, into... um, somewhere to search for the SHM. ...And well, try and kill them.

**Um, odd... chapter. Um, also, sorry for not updating in a while. I've gotten SO much homework lately, plus, two other stories to update (with one new one in current progress which isn't exactly online), so... um, yeah. Hope you like this sort of Reno.. chapter. Um, and review! ...I guess.**


End file.
